Elephant Beans!

Excuse me. I seem to be developing Tourette symptoms. The phrase has been stuck in my mind ever since I began studying Maragogype coffee beans. Some call them “elephant” beans because of their unnatural size.

They looked a little bit bigger to me, but not enough to refer to them as—

Elephant Beans!

Excuse me again. But, you know, I think I’ve discovered a new swear word. Or phrase, rather. Drop something on your toe, accidently hit a tree, fall over backwards because there’s a spider on your arm … what do you scream?

Elephant Beans!

It feels like a good swear, but yet, it won’t offend the local church lady.

The taste won’t offend her, either. A delicate citrus tang highlights Coffeemaria’s Maragogype Guatemala. It’s light bodied yet rich in flavor, mixing a light chocolaty touch with a winey base. Exceptionally smooth, it goes down easy.

This is an all day drinking coffee, and would work nicely as a dessert coffee as well. It’s over the top delicious and hereby officially designated a Groovy Brew.

Even if they are Elephant Beans.

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This, the second in a trilogy of reviews featuring beans from Coffeemaria, comes at you from the sleepiness of an early afternoon.

Does that ever happen to you, too? You have a busy morning, there’s a lot to do, you rush off and have lunch and come back to dive in, pick up where you left off, and after about an hour or so you … you start to … lose focus, mind starts drifting, eyelids get heavy. A yawn or three erupt spontaneously from a suddenly dopey face.

Is this all too familiar? Well, my friends, what you’re suffering from is a common malady called Mid-Afternoon Low Caffeine Syndrome, or MALCS. There is an easy cure: brew up some coffee.

Afternoon coffee.

Coffeemaria’s Antigua Guatemala is a perfect afternoon coffee. Sharp, tangy and medium bodied, this brew rides high on the palate, founded on a delicate wood-smoke flavor tinged with a daring spiciness. If you’re especially well equipped, it’s also tasty as a light espresso.

That’s right, my coffee loving friends. It’s a perfect cure for MALCS.

It cured mine! I’m now wide awake. And so, it’s time to get back to work.

By the way, this coffee gets my official designation of Groovy Brew.

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This coffee comes from one of my new top ten favorite roasters, Coffeemaria. Just by checking out their website you can see what they concentrate on : coffee. That’s it. They roast coffee.

Good coffee.

They’re so focused on what they do that they don’t even have a logo. At least, not on their website. For the art you see alongside this review, I actually scanned a gold foil sticker that was on the bag of beans.

This is the first of a trilogy of reviews of their coffee, all of which are excellent. Today’s subject … Java Pancour.

This coffee brews up tart, with an edgy, aggressive flavor featuring definite chocolaty notes. This is one of those lean back, close your eyes and smile coffees. It’s like riding your bike on a beautiful crisp fall morning, coming to the top of a long hill, and coasting all the way down with your feet out and the wind in your hair.

I’d classify this as a dessert coffee. The strong flavor and sweet finish lends itself to cookies, cake, ice cream, and pie.

Or be a rebel and drink it in the morning with your donuts.

Why not? Live on the edge!

It will probably not come as a surprise that I officially designate Coffeemaria’s Java Pancour as a Groovy Brew.

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Monster is usually my energy drink of choice — based on effect instead of taste — as on long drives it seems better at keeping me alert. I wasn’t in a Monster mood this morning, though while standing in line at the store, the new can design caught my attention, as did the word “Java.”

My immediate reaction was a very intelligent and articulate, “Huh?”

I picked it up, saw the words “Coffee Energy” and knew I had to try it. My expectations were rather low, especially after some of my other less-than-spectacular run-ins with canned coffee.

I had intended on taking it home to drink and review, but I couldn’t help myself. I was too curious. I popped open the can in the car.

The entire can was gone in less than two miles.

The Big Black Java Monster is extremely smooth and very creamy. I was in shock. I loved it with first gulp, and have found my new favorite energy drink.

My friends, I have a sweet tooth, and this stuff is sweet as candy. It may be too sweet for some people. It’s just right for me.

What surprised me the most was the purity of the coffee flavor. I don’t know where they’re getting their coffee extract from, or if they’re making it themselves, but it suffers from no detectable dilution tang what-so-ever. It has a far better taste than even a Starbucks iced coffee, including those made in-store.

The can states that it has half the caffeine of ordinary coffee, but we all know it makes up for that with all their other infamous added stimulants.

This is the best canned coffee beverage I have ever had. It is hereby officially designated a Groovy Brew.

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